Oikeiosis
This week you are learning about oikeiosis (pronounced oy-KAY-oh-sis), a Greek word that means something like "affiliation" or "the sense of belonging to." The Stoics used it to describe the natural impulse that draws you first toward yourself, then outward toward family, neighbors, and finally all of humanity. Understanding oikeiosis is the foundation of Stoic ethics on friendship and loyalty: it explains not just why you care about the people you love, but why that care, properly developed, should eventually extend to every person you meet.
Passage
These things being thus considered, it is the province of him who strives to conduct himself properly in each of these connections to collect, in a certain respect, the circles, as it were, to one centre, and always to endeavour earnestly to transfer himself from the comprehending circles to the several particulars which they comprehend. It pertains, therefore, to the man who is a lover of kindred [to conduct himself in a becoming manner ] towards his parents and brothers; also, according to the same analogy, towards the more elderly of his relatives of both sexes, such as grandfathers, uncles and aunts; towards those of the same age with himself, as his cousins; and towards his juniors, as the children of his cousins. Hence we have summarily shown how we ought to conduct ourselves towards our kindred, having before taught how we should act towards ourselves, our parents, and brothers; and besides these, towards our wife and children. To which it must be added, that those who belong to the third circle must be honoured similarly to these; and again, kindred similarly to those that belong to the third circle. For something of benevolence must be taken away from those who are more distant from us by blood; though at the same time we should endeavour that an assimilation may take place between us and them. For this distance will become moderate, if, through the diligent attention which we pay to them, we cut off the length of the habitude towards each individual of these. We have unfolded, therefore, that which is most comprehensive and important in the duties pertaining to kindred.
— Hierocles, Ethical Fragments 5.2
Reflection
Having shown the circles, Hierocles now gives you the practical task: draw them inward. The Greek word he uses for this effort is sometimes translated as 'assimilation,' meaning you work to treat people in outer circles with some of the same warmth and consideration you naturally give to those in the inner ones. You do not pretend everyone is your sibling, but you make a deliberate effort to close the gap a little. This is where oikeiosis stops being a description of how things are and becomes an instruction for how to act.
Go deeper
Where in your actual daily life do you treat someone from an outer circle with noticeably less patience, generosity, or attention than you would give someone from your inner circle, and what would one small shift look like?
Practice
Close One Gap
Choose one person who sits in an outer circle and whom you will encounter today or tomorrow. Before the encounter, decide on one specific thing you will do differently: greet them by name, listen without cutting them off, offer help you would normally offer only to a close friend. Do just that one thing, and afterward notice whether anything felt different.