Reputation and Approval
This week you sit with one of the most persistent pressures in any life: the hunger for approval and the fear of what others think. The seven passages move you from a blunt diagnosis of the problem, through harder questions about contempt, distinction, and motivation, to a final challenge about whether your inner life and your outer reputation are actually the same thing. Each day asks something specific of you, and by Saturday you will have a clearer picture of where you genuinely stand.
Passage
To what class of things, then, does another's opinion about you belong?—To that which lies outside the sphere of the moral purpose.—And so it is nothing to you?—Nothing.—So long, then, as you are stung and disturbed by the opinions of others, do you still fancy that you have been persuaded as to things good and evil?
— Epictetus, Discourses 4.6.10
Reflection
Epictetus cuts to the bone here. He doesn't argue with you about whether other people's opinions are important or unimportant. He asks you to classify them. They fall outside the sphere of moral purpose, which means they belong to the category of things that are not, in the strict sense, yours to control. Then he delivers the harder blow: if you are still stung and disturbed by what others think, you haven't actually been persuaded of anything. You may have agreed intellectually that outside opinions don't matter, but your emotional reaction is the real vote. The sting is the evidence.
Go deeper
Call to mind the last time someone's opinion of you genuinely disturbed you; what specifically was at stake for you in that moment, and does that tell you something about what you actually believe to be good?
Practice
The Classification Test
Pick one opinion someone holds about you right now that bothers you, even mildly. Sit quietly for 5 minutes and work through this: What would have to be true for this opinion to have real power over your wellbeing? Write one sentence completing this: 'This opinion stings because I believe it threatens ___.' Then ask yourself whether that thing belongs to the sphere of your own choices and character, or outside it.